New Year(s)
Something about the concept of “ringing in the new” is clearly treacherous to the human psyche. Over the past many years, my solution to the inevitable phenomena of new year’s depression has been to hide out in my apartment on New Year’s Eve and make sure I’m asleep by 10:30, 11:00 the latest.
Sure, everyone would prefer to believe that with the changing, especially zeroing, of a number we can make an elegant leap, the trajectory of which will transport us smoothly onto the nice, cushy clump of grass we imagine has been reserved for us. Somehow this will be simply accomplished by the shove of the calendar with the subtle and charming assistance of a smooch at the stroke of midnight, for good luck.
I recently freaked out my boyfriend by telling him I’d like to go on a date. I didn’t mean with him, in fact I didn’t mean with anyone in particular. He looked at me confused and a little alarmed. He asked me if I meant that I’d like to enter into a social ritual designed to culminate in marriage. No, I don’t want that. What I really meant was that I want the rush of something new, fun and surprising within a well-defined framework but without the responsibility and hassle of reconfiguring my life. Just a date, not dating.
Lester Bangs’ assessment of future possibility was that “There are only two directions in which extants can go: (a) stasis or (b) decay”. Considering that he was writing at the dawn of 1980 it’s hard to disagree with him. And in terms of a self-prophecy direction (b) was sadly accurate. Better luck next time dude.
I’m writing in the wake of 2000 and everyone’s wondering what’s in store. The consensus is it’s the new millennium, which means we’re about to survive the only 99-year-long century on record. Will everyone be finally getting what they want? Would that mean that a huge portion of mankind will abandon the devotion to habits of lying, stealing, rape and murder? What would they do then, find a new career, quietly retire maybe?
I wonder if anyone will ever bother to wonder what, exactly, was missing on December 31st.